ONE MISSED CALL (2008)
1/2* (OUT OF FOUR)
MILD SPOILER WARNING IN EFFECT: That’s right, it’s January again and the new year almost always ushers in a gigantic load of cinematic garbage to fill our local multiplex’s screens while the talented filmmakers are out working on something worth seeing. Nothing has changed this time around as Warner Bros. seems more than happy to dump yet another remake of a Japanese ghost story on us that’s every bit as scary as one of R.L. Stein’s Goosebumps books.
The original 2005 film, directed by one of the most original and exciting filmmakers in the world, Takashi Miike, was nothing to write home about (Miike, however talented, has been known to make three films a year, and thus will direct anything) but at least showed a thread of competence. In the words of Borat: “This one, not so much.”
When 24 year-old Shelly drowns in the pond outside of her house, it’s ruled a suicide (apparently, people who commit suicide by drowning themselves also drown their pets too). At a party on the night of Shelly’s funeral, one of her friends, Leann, receives a call from Shelly’s cell phone. Too freaked out to answer, Leann and her friend Beth (Shannyn Sossamon) let it go to go to voice mail (ha ha, one missed call, get it?). The missed call is labeled a couple of days in the future and the message is of Leann herself talking frantically, followed by her screaming, followed by silence. And you know the old saying – it’s all fun and games until someone gets pushed in front of a moving train and dies. The message is Leann, seconds before her death.
Likewise, thing on with Leann’s phone calling someone after she dies, and that person’s phone calling someone before they die, etcetera and so forth until it finally gets around to Beth, who’s the only one smart enough to track down the source (of course, there is only one cop who believes her, Jack (Ed Burns), and of course, she has a crush on him). And no Japanese horror film, Americanized or not, would be complete without a creepy little kid who’s doesn’t speak and draws with crayons (surprisingly, this creepy little kid doesn’t have black hair – now that is the way to put a spin on things).
One Missed Call also suffers from the unforgivable characteristic in any horror film – being boring (at least something like Vacancy didn’t give us the chance to think about how much it sucked until it was over). There are only three deaths in the film (and it’s PG-13 rating assures that we get no visceral thrills from any of them) and a lot of time is wasted on the characters frantically filling each other in on what’s going on. This has always been a way of separating the good writers from the bad ones: the good ones know that what matters is that the audience knows and cares about what’s going on. The bad ones make the mistake of believing that their characters are part of the audience too.
There is one decent scene in the film in which a television producer, obsessed with his late son’s demonic possession and now with a show dedicated to such occurrences, contacts one of the soon-to-be victims about doing a special on her for his show. Her eventual death, in a church where her phone’s exorcism (yes, you read that correctly) is being filmed, is well shot and features some rather disturbing images. In the end it doesn’t matter (if you really care, I’m sure you can catch that scene on Youtube in the next couple of weeks) because One Missed Call is utterly forgettable, overwhelmingly stupid, and viciously insulting to any moviegoer. This is an early candidate for worst film of the year. – Brandon Nease
The original 2005 film, directed by one of the most original and exciting filmmakers in the world, Takashi Miike, was nothing to write home about (Miike, however talented, has been known to make three films a year, and thus will direct anything) but at least showed a thread of competence. In the words of Borat: “This one, not so much.”
When 24 year-old Shelly drowns in the pond outside of her house, it’s ruled a suicide (apparently, people who commit suicide by drowning themselves also drown their pets too). At a party on the night of Shelly’s funeral, one of her friends, Leann, receives a call from Shelly’s cell phone. Too freaked out to answer, Leann and her friend Beth (Shannyn Sossamon) let it go to go to voice mail (ha ha, one missed call, get it?). The missed call is labeled a couple of days in the future and the message is of Leann herself talking frantically, followed by her screaming, followed by silence. And you know the old saying – it’s all fun and games until someone gets pushed in front of a moving train and dies. The message is Leann, seconds before her death.
Likewise, thing on with Leann’s phone calling someone after she dies, and that person’s phone calling someone before they die, etcetera and so forth until it finally gets around to Beth, who’s the only one smart enough to track down the source (of course, there is only one cop who believes her, Jack (Ed Burns), and of course, she has a crush on him). And no Japanese horror film, Americanized or not, would be complete without a creepy little kid who’s doesn’t speak and draws with crayons (surprisingly, this creepy little kid doesn’t have black hair – now that is the way to put a spin on things).
One Missed Call also suffers from the unforgivable characteristic in any horror film – being boring (at least something like Vacancy didn’t give us the chance to think about how much it sucked until it was over). There are only three deaths in the film (and it’s PG-13 rating assures that we get no visceral thrills from any of them) and a lot of time is wasted on the characters frantically filling each other in on what’s going on. This has always been a way of separating the good writers from the bad ones: the good ones know that what matters is that the audience knows and cares about what’s going on. The bad ones make the mistake of believing that their characters are part of the audience too.
There is one decent scene in the film in which a television producer, obsessed with his late son’s demonic possession and now with a show dedicated to such occurrences, contacts one of the soon-to-be victims about doing a special on her for his show. Her eventual death, in a church where her phone’s exorcism (yes, you read that correctly) is being filmed, is well shot and features some rather disturbing images. In the end it doesn’t matter (if you really care, I’m sure you can catch that scene on Youtube in the next couple of weeks) because One Missed Call is utterly forgettable, overwhelmingly stupid, and viciously insulting to any moviegoer. This is an early candidate for worst film of the year. – Brandon Nease
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